Example pages from the book:

  DO what you don’t want to DO

       Background to procrastination

                                         It is a natural human condition

The wiring in your brain is neither right nor wrong but is specific for procrastination and ADD.

Feelings are strongly accentuated by a rhythmic fluctuation of electric potential in the right hemisphere. You are what I call a Feeling Person.

     To keep it simple, I call the right-brained people Feeling People and the left- brained Thinking People. Neither is right or wrong, but at the extremes of thinking and feeling difficulties arise.

 Tracking scale

You can find yourself on a scale from one to ten as a Feeling or a Thinking Person, or as a Blended individual that shows characteristics of both sides. 

 If your procrastination or ADD condition is extreme you are close to a number 1. Some people, who are detached from their emotions and are incapable of feeling shame or guilt, fall under the number 9. The middle individuals are the Thinking and Feeling People. You might be a two on the scale for certain areas of your life and a six for others.  You can slip in and out of the three categories but when you average all the areas of your life you can come up with a basic number.

 More groups

 You can see under number 1 and 2, a Feeling Person, and under 3 and 4, a Feeling Person that has some characteristics of the Blended Person. You can also be mostly a Blended Person like in a 4, 5 and 6 or a Blended Person with thinking traits as seen in the 6 and 7. Last on the scale is the pure Thinker. For simplicity, the contrast between Feeling and Thinking People is used in this text without mentioning the Blended options.

                                                    Examples

         You want to go to a movie and you can be on time because you don’t want to miss the beginning. Your mind works between a 6 and 7, even if generally you live as a 1 or a 2.

 You need to deliver a project or clean out the garage. Instead you seek excitement, coziness, or fun -- anything that makes you feel good.

The project, or cleaning job, does not allow you to experience such feelings. You try to resist and avoid the chores. You stay in a 2 or 3, which is your feeling mode and not much will get done.

 At work, you may slip in and out of your feeling and thinking mode.

Every time you are in a 1 or 2 you are distracted and therefore not performing. You need to function between 5 and 7 to be productive, which robs you of your feelings for a while. Your feelings are consistently calling you back to a 1, 2, or 3. To a Feeling Person, life only feels right when you can feel, and you prefer that nothing would get in the way.

  Distinguish the modes

When you are in a 6 to 8 Thinking mode, your feelings still try to derail you,; however, the longer you can hold this position, the more you can focus. Once you are away from the position 1 to 3 and delve into a 5 or above for a longer period, then you can count on your indisputable involvement that will lead to concentration.

Of course, you feel and think at the same time, but if you are a Feeling Person you base your behaviors on feelings, and if you are a Thinking Person you express your behaviors in doing.

 Extremes

Extreme Thinking People fall into a number 9. They are cold Thinking People, workaholics or take advantage of others. They can cause harm in society because they are not in touch with their feelings; therefore they do not feel guilt or remorse and exhibit ruthless, sometimes psychopathic behaviors. Conversely, excessive feelings cause an inability to produce and perform.  Life becomes too slow, too unrewarding and emotionally too complicated. Other than at the extremes, either Feeling or Thinking people are better off.

 n another extreme, we have the individual than can be an 8-9 and a 1-2 on the Tracking Scale at the same time. This person is a fast Thinker with a high impulsivity. The person is driven by Feelings but has a sharp Thinking component at the same time. Many ADHD personalities would fit this pattern.

Unlike groups

Next, you can see how these two groups seek different experiences. Understanding each other’s diversities is the key. They have what you don’t have, and you have what they don’t have.

                                 Feeling People                             Thinking People

 How they differ

Both sides are necessary for a society to survive. These are the two contrasts, while the blended group (4, 5, 6) has characteristics of both.

                         Feeling People are                  Thinking People are   

                                         Tracking Scale examples

 Larry

Larry suffered from anxiety. When at work, he could not bring himself to be as productive as his co-workers were. He tried to hide his inadequacies but some of his failings usually slipped through. He constantly lived with the fear of losing his job. His four children and wife depended on his income. Every day, he confronted his work with trepidation. When sitting at his desk, Larry’s mind wandered into a dream world. Time and again he slithered into a 1 or 2 on the Tracking Scale and back to work again with a 4. At the end of a day he left frustrated, putting himself down for not being productive, and his overwhelming fears weighed on his consciousness.

 Larry never understood why he got distracted, in spite of trying so hard to stay on track. His right brain overpowered him with emotions, which in turn made him go off into fantasyland. Larry learned when it was appropriate to feel and when to think. When he changed to a job where his feelings could play an important part, his fears vanished and he gained the energy to be productive.

 Enrique

Here we have the example of a middle-aged man who is socially well liked, logical, and analytical. He is a self-made man who climbed his way to the top with manipulations and distortions. People believed his charm. Enrique was not in touch with his feelings. He could easily take from anyone and society at large with his rationalization that “they owe it to me”. His enormous financial assets attracted more people and granted him more credibility. Enrique did not know about levels 2 or 3 but knew how to take advantage of people that had feelings.

 He lived his life on a level from 8 to 9, only reaching a 4 in rare mental crashes. His financial success made him think he was better than most people,; however, Enrique’s prognosis was very poor. He suffered from headaches and ulcers, as well as a myriad of other complaints, until his doctor finally sent him to therapy. Rigid defense mechanisms prevented him from looking at himself; instead he kept staring at the bitter world he had to battle against and he only slowly progressed.

 When you feel

A feeling enters your thoughts and takes you to a story, and you unwittingly shift your focus to the past, the future, people around you, or what you want to make for dinner. Off you go into a distraction more pleasant than what you need to accomplish at the moment.

 Your right brain leads you to see, smell, or touch something that stimulates your feelings. How often have you dwelled upon thoughts produced by your rich senses? Have you ever looked up from your desk, your eyes caught a flower vase and off you went into la-la land? You yearn to feel because your right brain is energized while your left-brain is typically more heavily burdened. This is not right or wrong, good or bad. Accept that nature bestowed you with more energy for the right brain. Those profound emotions generated in your right side have their outlet in your intricate thoughts. Therefore, you are graced with intelligence and with the capacity to think wide, far, and deep.

Procrastinators Want to Live:

1.       What they feel

2.       How they fee
 

 Thinking People Want to Live:

1.       What they do

2.       How they do

 Pleasant and fun

We have several distinct groups in society, some of whom are damaging with their specific personality traits, but procrastinators, which represent the true Feeling group, are the ones that do no harm. I label them as the finest group because of the goodness of their hearts. They might not be the fastest, most assertiveor richest, but they certainly mean well. What they feel for themselves they feel for others; hence, their empathy reaches far and beyond

What Feeling People Enjoy

My women clients from group sessions compiled this list of things they enjoy most. They wrote the following:

                                                         What Thinking People Enjoy